Resonance is knowing exactly what you want, and aligning your thoughts and actions to produce the desired outcome. You are your own soundboard, you are the oracle of your own insides, and you are your own source of approval.
Looking to the world and other people to provide a sense of security and well-being (recognition) puts you at the mercy of external forces, and giving away your power like that is risky. Not only are you left vulnerable to subjective opinions, but these opinions begin to define you. Simply put, when you look for approval anywhere other than your very own heart, your truest self and its desires can be crushed by the passing whim of another.
You’re more powerful than that.
Is it really so wrong to want validation? Don’t we all want to be accepted and admired?
It’s totally normal…
It’s totally normal to seek acceptance and validation from our fellow human beings—we crave solidarity—but there’s a fine line between wanting and needing.
I love avocado toast. You hate avocado toast.
Subjectivity is a beautiful thing. What one person finds revolting, another may love. But subjectivity makes it virtually impossible for anyone to tell you who you are or what you’re worth, because their values are theirs, not yours. An apple has no authority to tell an orange that it isn’t perfect just the way it is.
How can you become more resonant with your innermost desires and find more recognition within yourself?
- Become aware of the mental chatter.
Cultivate some self-love through mindfulness (or at least resist cultivating self-hate). Tune into your thoughts. What do you say about yourself? What do you feel about yourself?
Usually these are not-so-nice thoughts and feelings. From your approximately 60,000 thoughts a day, almost 80% of these are negative. Acknowledge these thoughts without judgment or internalization. Reflect on how these thoughts are impacting your mood, behaviors and health.
Changing your thoughts from self-deprecating to loving and kind will have a profound impact on your well-being. When you become more mindful of who you are, you’re more likely to act in accordance with your wisdom rather than on what others want from you.
- Choose a different thought.
The great news is that once you become aware of your negative or limiting thoughts, you can consciously choose to change them. Instead of saying, “I’ll never be able to finish this project,” try a neutral or more positive statement, like “I will do my best to finish this project.” And, yes—positivity does work. The HeartMath Institute has discovered that positive emotions create positive effects in the body, like boosting your immunity.
- Forgive yourself.
Sometimes you can feel overwhelmed with thoughts that aren’t serving or helping you. Practice self-compassion. Learn and grow from your mistakes rather than punishing yourself. When you reframe a mistake into a lesson, you can learn to embrace these failures as a growth opportunity.
- Celebrate your wins and achievements.
How often do you relish in your awesomeness? Sure, humility has its benefits, but don’t ever hold back when you achieve something. You are entitled to happiness. You are entitled to feel good for doing great work. Reward yourself in a way that nourishes you.
- Harness the power of visualization.
Learn to visualize your desires. When you use mental imagery to imagine yourself performing effortlessly and doing exactly what you want, you create neural patterns in your brain as if you had actually performed the action. Competitive athletes do this to win Olympic medals. You can achieve anything when you practice this regularly.
The point of these techniques is to avoid getting caught up in your negative thoughts and stop judging yourself. When you learn to drop the shrouds of negativity and disapproval, you will see your remarkable worth and start to understand the depth of your desires.
Slay from the inside out.
Insecurity is a real bitch, and no amount of praise from your friends or family can tame that awful beast. Let the haters hate because you know who you are, you know what you want, and you’re totally OK with all of it because the only validation you need is from yourself.
Easier said than done, yes?
If I can do it, you can do it.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my family and I love my career. But I know that I made certain choices because I wanted my parents to love me more—I didn’t get the love and approval I wanted from them. When I first came to medical school, I did the same with my professors. I wanted their appreciation and validation.
I didn’t think myself worthy until someone else told me I was on the right path. I had no idea what it meant to listen to my own intuition and to be in congruence with it. I was completely out of resonance, and I only looked for recognition from others.
When you spend your time looking for external approval, you end up on the conveyor belt of someone else’s dream.
That’s what happened to me. I did whatever other people told me to do because I felt they knew best; they knew me better. Eventually, this lack of resonance with my true feelings and desires led me to burnout. I was angry at the world and I was numb from the pain—the pain of isolation, disconnection and despair. The pain of fatigue, exhaustion and apathy.
Suddenly, my body revolted.
She said, no more. She knew I wasn’t listening, so she had to intervene. I collapsed at work. My body screamed at me. She told me to stop what I was doing and listen to her. I started listening, and what she said astonished me. She told about resonance and forced me to ask myself what I truly wanted. She wanted me to align my thoughts with my actions. She told me to find my validation from myself.
The next few years of soul-searching and healing brought me to coaching and to developing Rock Your Rhythm™.
I don’t want you to ever feel the way I did. My own life experience galvanized my approach to helping my clients achieve resonance. My program, Rock Your Rhythm™, is designed to produce inner peace and congruence within so you can be bold and do the things you’ve been dreaming of doing—without ending up in a meltdown like I did.
Simple steps to sustained success.
The program offers up strategies that are deceptively simple, but are used by the elite: Olympic athletes, billionaires, and some of the most successful people in the world.
It’s time to start defining success on your own terms and loving yourself in the process. This takes some guidance, as you’ll be navigating difficult emotions, and your old shit is sure to surface to try to drag you back down. The closer you get to the light, the more the darkness shows. If that happens, it’s OK. There may be something that needs to be learned and left—another skill you’ll get from Rock Your Rhythm™.
Dedicate 90 days (or more!) to yourself. Let your dreams breathe, and learn to prevail when your demons show their faces. Honor your body, mind, soul and the struggle that comes with change. Let’s make a plan, put one foot in front of the other, and unearth obstacles that hold you back. Understand what it means to take what you need and leave the rest—thoughts and behaviors that don’t serve you don’t need to stay.
Rock Your Rhythm™ is for anybody—especially high-achievers who find themselves stressed out and way too busy. Each week you’ll find worksheets and tools to break things down into bite-sized chunks.
When you’re done with this program, you will be living in your happiness, filled with inner peace, and rocking it with success.
Book your free 30-minute call to learn more.